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Managing Difficult Personalities

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  • 1.presents: Managing Difficult PersonalitiesA Workshop for School Facility ManagersPersonnel Management Academy December 2010presenter:Alan Krieger, Krieger Solutions,

2. Workshop Goals What makes people difficult /causes conflict Conflict prevention strategies Refocus goals with difficult people Use communication skills Adapt their own communication Understand how differences in style impact motivation 3. What Makes a Person Difficult? Disrupts the staff from doing theirjobAnd thereby negatively impactsproductivity Makes the staff and/or customersuncomfortableAnd puts the organization at riskIt is this negative impact of thebehavior that is the problem. 4. The Goal in Dealing with DP1. Reduce the negative impact, AND2. Have the person be as satisfied aspossibleThe goal is NOT to change the DPspersonality or have them see thetruth. 5. Three Keys to Dealing with DPA. Understanding conflictB. Communication skillsC. Problem solving strategies 6. Different Styles, Different Communication FocusTASK ORIENTED TellsT AnalyzesAGet things doneGet things rightFWants: Results / AutonomyWants: Accuracy / Details SALikes: Short, quick, direct Likes: Answers; Time for LS conversations questions/discussions OTDislikes: Indecision, Work W Dislikes: Poor quality /Enot getting done E Rushed decisionsR RPEngagesE Mediates MPA AC Do it differently Do it togetherCE E Wants: Meaning / CreativityWants: Teamwork / HarmonyD D Likes: Opportunity to talk; to Likes: Being friendly, Takingpersuade; to change a personal interest in Dislikes: Routine, rigidity, coworkers IsolationDislikes: Conflict / Rapidchange PEOPLE ORIENTED 7. Difficult StylesHow the styles degrade TASK ORIENTEDAnalyzesA TellsTS FL Detail personDecisive AO SW Slow to make decisions Director TE ER Perfectionist AutocratRP PA MediatesM Engages E AC CE Support/RelateInfluencerED Buckle underEntertainer DPassive DistracterPEOPLE ORIENTED 8. Difficult Styles TASK ORIENTEDPerfectionistAAutocrat T Get things rightGet things doneS Wants: Complete accuracy /Wants: Control / ResultsFLToo much detailLikes: Short, quick, direct AO SLikes: Answers; Time for conversationsW TEextensive discussionsDislikes: Chaos, inaction ER Dislikes: Poor quality /RRushed decisionsP PA AC Passive personM Distracter ECE E Do it togetherDo it differentlyD DWants: Approval / Harmony Wants: Attention / CreativityLikes: Being friendly, Treated Likes: Opportunity to talk; to very politely persuade; to changeDislikes: Angering others / Dislikes: Rigidity, Being outAny changeof the spotlight PEOPLE ORIENTED 9. CONFLICT DIAGRAMSOURCE OF CONFLICTLimited ResourcesDifferent Values TimeSomeones individual Convictions Money needs dont get met: Priorities Equipment accuracy Styles action collegiality creativity CONFLICT 10. CONFLICTOne or both parties feel:- powerless -disrespected- not appreciated- fearful-over stressed - treated unfairly 11. RESPONSES TO CONFLICTAvoidanceAggressionCommunication Withdrawal Threats Respect Ignoring Anger Understanding Denial Retaliation Resolution 12. POSITION:The desired solution someonebrings to the discussion.INTEREST:The desired result theperson is looking for.COMMON GROUND:Points of view on which two peopleagree. 13. IMPORTANT CONCEPT:People dont change easily.Its hard to take away somethingthat is part of them.Its hard to put in something thatisnt there.Work with what you have and find thehidden assets. 14. Discussion questions:1. Pats TEAM style? His Positions? Interests? His Assets? Weaknesses?2. Anns TEAM style? Her Positions? Interests? Her Assets? Weaknesses?3. Common ground?4. Win-win solution that draws on common ground and assets? 15. Discussion questions: What is Joes TEAM style? What are the clues? What does Joe do to get Pat to a win-win situation? 16. What are possible strategiesfor preventing conflict? 17. CONFLICT PREVENTION STRATEGIES Listening Trust Feedback Work with Strengths and Preferences Positions vs. Interests Keep communication open Stay non-defensive 18. HOW DO YOU CHANGE OR MANAGE A DIFFICULT PERSONS BEHAVIOR?LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN: (C.U.P.)PART I: Confrontation initiated by DP: 1. Show Concern/Respect 2. Next, seek to Understandperceptions and expectations 3. Then move into Problem solving 19. CUP Step 1: Show Concern/RespectQuiet listening: Listen fully limit your talking Body Language Defuse tension by listening Build a connection Stay calm and respectful Dont share your point of view yet Listen with eyes and ears 20. CUP Step 2: Seek to UnderstandActive Listening: Sort facts and feelings Dont push - let them vent Listen for positions and interests Ask about strengths and preferences using clarifying questions Paraphrase to clarify or confirm listen fully Dont argue mentally Dont share your point of view yet 21. CUP Step 3: Problem Solve Define conflict as mutual problem Know what you want Summarize others interests / perceptions Share your interests, expectations andperceptions Focus on common interests/goals Tentatively suggest a solution, and/or Brainstorm collaborate with other in lead Follow-up and revise as needed.Give positive feedback! 22. Changing Behavior Part II: FLEA1. Feedback describe impact2. Listen and recycle3. Establish standards and problem solve4. Act and follow up 23. CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK GUIDELINES Private setting; confidential When you both have the time to talk Be very specific; focus on behaviors Focus on the behavior as the problem, not the person Be constructive focus on change, not blame; move quickly to problem solving Plan ahead 24. FEEDBACK STRATEGY:Situation / Behavior / Impact 1. Note the situation 2. State the problem behavior 3. Describe the impact 4. Pause to actively listen Focus on reducing negative impact 25. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR F.L.E.A1. Try to understand the other persons Behavior / Impact /Motivation2. Clarify standards (expectations) &Brainstorm possible strategies3. Plan to act: What youll say How they might react / TEAM issues Role play / Choose time and place 26. ACTION PLAN List three important things youlearned. Think of 1 or 2 difficult people.What are their TEAM styles? Choose 1 or 2 strategies you can use to be more effective.Practice this regularly!

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