Nurturing Our Marriages

8/6/2019 Nurturing Our Marriages

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Nurturing Our Marriages

Glimpses from

OFNC Couples Weekend11th -13th February 2011


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Purpose

Malachi 2:15-16

Didnt the LORD make you one with your wife?

In body and spirit you are his.And what does he want?Godly children from your union. So guard your heart;remain loyal to the wife of your youth.

For I hate divorce! says the LORD, the God of Israel. Todivorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, saysthe LORD of Heavens Armies.

So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.


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Principles

To leave ALL and to CLEAVE to one; hence

Two shall become ONE to create

A Ground for Raising Godly Offspring

Some basic principles of marriage are contained in

1 Corinthians 7:1-9.


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Doctrine of Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33

God gives different Instructions to both gendersbecause we are wired differently

They must therefore function according to design


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Foundational Laws of Marriage

Genesis 2:24, 25 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they

become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Law of Priority A man shall leave his father and mother.

Law of Pursuit Man shall leave and shall be joined.

Law of Process They shall become...(everything a

process)

Law of Possession - They shall become one flesh.

Law of Purity They were both naked.

Law of Prosperity They shall not be ashamed


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Pursuit

Marriage is a lifetime pursuit. The price of humanity isP-A-I-D by pursuit.

Passion

Affection

Interest

Determination

Do something to nurture your marriage every weekend(e.g. go on a date).


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Dwelling with Understanding (1)

Love the Woman (1 Peter 3:7) Proverbs 24:3

Knowledge provides the resources to build our lives.

Understanding identifies how to use these resources

Wisdom puts knowledge and understanding together foreffectiveness.

Wisdom is the rightful application of knowledge.

Ephesians 5: 22-32

Theology, doctrine and principles of marriage summarised Proverbs 10:13

Lack of understanding leads to many painful experiencesin life


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Dwelling with Understanding (1; contd.)Understanding the Woman (Eph.5:22-33)

1. A woman has an intense desire to feel loved. More than what you think

She must FEEL Loved

She must feel you love her more than anyone or anything or

She will compete with that perceived object of your affection

2. A woman does not assume that your love is permanent

They therefore need it said regularly

So keep saying I love you

Husbands commanded several times to love their wives

Holy Spirit does not assume either, hence the emphasis and

repeated commands


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3. A woman needs to feel secure.

Therefore need for emotional/financial security

She wants to be sure that youll always be there I love you is to meet the need for emotional Security

Be careful what you say; careless words breed insecurity(Num14:28)

Reassure her when complains of tired of the relationship

4. A woman wants the man in particularmore than anythingelse. Vs.25gave himself; himself several times

She wants your time not your money, gifts and otherpossessions.

Women dont need their space when upset; they needtheir husbands

Get your priorities right


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5. Because its about the man, the woman is always preparing herself forthe man.

She is keen to please the man

Everything she does is how to please the man He is therefore her mirror; his body language matters

What she sees thru your mirror matters

Compliment her; take her to the shop to buy her dresses

Tell her how good she looks The more you tell her shes beautiful, the more youll see it

6. Women connect by talking.

By listening to what she wants to say, you connect

Let her talk; Enjoy what she has to say

When she questions your information, shes not questioning theauthenticity but seeking for you to expound your information

Men assume women can fill in the spaces; they usually cant


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Dwelling with Understanding (2)

Respect the Man (1 Peter 3:1-6) (Eph 5:22-24;33b)

Let the wife see that she respects her husband

Respect is equivalent to love for a Man

Success and achievement matters to a man. A man is driven by the need for significance, success

and achievement.

Keywords in the text: Submit; Head; Subject = Authority

Head Authority is derived from this word


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Submit as to The Lord

Husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head

Submission is difficult for the flesh

God demands sacrificial life in marriages

Place of marriage is place of death We die to ourselves

How is Husband head? Just as = Exactly the same

way Christ is the head

Especially difficult when the woman thinks shes

wiser/smarter than the man

Let the wife see that she respects her husband


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Christ (Head of the man)

Man (Head of the woman, submitted to Christ, giveshimself for the woman, loves the woman)

Woman (Subject to Man, submitted to him, respects mans

authority)


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Understanding the man

1. Generally most men will prefer Respect to love A man feels loved when he is respected.

This principle applies to male children too!

2. Anger is an easy barometer to know when a man feelsdisrespected.

He would either give a verbal loud expression or

Withdraw completely and not say anything He is then incapable of showing love because he is angry

on the inside


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3. Unconditional Respect for the man vs. Unconditional love for thewoman

It is equally a command, therefore he does not have to earn it

Whether wise or foolish; rich or poor; intelligent or not isimmaterial

c/f; 1 Peter ...even if the partner does not believe in God. Godhas a way of using our conduct to minister to the other person

4. To respect therefore is a Deliberate Choice

He does not need to earn it, contrary to natural ways andexpectations

Similar to the command love your enemies unnatural!

5. Most women will naturally want to respect but dont know what

respect is to a man


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2. Men are angry whenever you dismiss their opinion

Their opinions are often respected at work

They would wonder what is wrong with my wife that

she will not listen to me at home?

He is celebrated outside the home. How come not at

home?

A man is happy when his opinion is respected.


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3. In communication your conduct is louder than yourvoice.

1 Peter wives be submissive...they without aword...by the conduct...

Its not your argument/voice but your conduct that willchange a man

Watch what you say, how , where and when you say it

Prov. 13 the wise woman builds her home...

Prov. 151-2...a gentle word turns away anger...; thetongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly

Your body language speaks volumes

Watch your words. Words are seeds.


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5. Dont challenge or correct a Man in Public

Dont mistreat or tease him in public

Especially NOT in an extended family setting

A man wants to show hes in charge

Challenging his abilities = pronouncing hisinadequacy

He does not need to hear that he missed the way

even when it is obvious; hes already flogged himself Men need to explore and in the course may miss the

way


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Benefits of Dwelling Together in

Understanding

1. Power of Agreement

2. Two are better than one

3. Nothing can hinder our prayers

4. Well bejoint heirs unto the grace of life

one signatory will not be honoured in heaven; must beboth


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Grace of Life (1 Peter 3:7)

1. Took us thru all sorts of tribulations

2. Makes us different from our siblings/colleagues

3. Charts the path for our children in life4. Seen on Abraham, Jacob and eventually Levi four

generations later

5. Makes men want to favour us in places6. Comes upon a familyin times of distress and scarcity

e.g. during inflation/financial crisis


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7. Sees us thru the turbulence of life.

The synergistic effects of us coming together cannotbe quantified

8. The grace is amplified once we are Marriedand are aChild of God

The providential power/abundance of God in our livescannot be quantified

We need to celebrate our differences Grace that she has that I dont have but when we

come together, it multiplies

Unites our hearts together


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Threats to Marriage -Affairs

Four broad types Frustration affairs typically a result of unhappiness.

Platonic affairs emotional, no sexual involvement

Supplementary affairs to supplement what is goingon at home.

Exit affairs The marriage is finished.

The greatest threat to the marriage bond is arelationship with one spouse with a member of the

opposite sex.


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Making our Marriages Affair-proof

1. Communication keep lines open

Create opportunities

Call family meetings/make appointments regularly

2. Give each otherAttention

3. Cover your Spouse with Prayers

4. Look after Yourself

5. Do not nag

Documents

Nurturing Our Marriages