DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES A Mentoring Moment From MSgt. Allan

Folsom OPA-C/CSFA USAF.

OBJECTIVES Become better leaders by learning how to

deal effectively with difficult personalities This will promote unit cohesion/effectiveness

and aide in mission accomplishment You will be able to “Bring out the best” in

your subordinates Lastly, perhaps learn a little something about

yourself.

IDENTIFYING DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES Hard core bully Ego centered prince or princess Passive Aggressive The baby Negative Ned or Nancy People Pleaser The Non player

THE HARD CORE BULLY

MODUS OPERANDI Hostile, Abusive, Intimidating, Are always right and will charge like angry

bulls if you cross or challenge them

YOUR RESPONSE Take a deep breath, let them blow off steam Draw the line; DO NOT LET THEM GET ABUSIVE Address them by name, title rank to maintain

control State your position clearly Avoid arguments, you wont win a battle with them

especially in public. Learn to set boundary early on

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE

EGO CENTERED PRINCE/PRINCESS

MODUS OPERANDI Are the “Experts” who know more than

anyone about subject Facts are “power” to them, making them feel

superior They Basically want to feel special and long

to be center stage

YOUR RESPONSE You cant fake it with them, so know your

facts You can also capitalize on what they know by

asking questions of them They love to show off and have others

appreciate their knowledge, utilize this as a leader by giving them praise and recognition skillfully.

This will lead them to come down from their towers

IN SHORT, APPEAL TO THEIR EGO…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PASSIVE/AGRESSIVE

MODUS OPERANDI They often take potshots Try to undercut your authority in devious

ways using sarcasm, often disguised as a joke

They will not be direct with their criticism They tend to drag down morale, so you have

to deal with them.

YOUR RESPONSE Turn situation away from personalities and

back to tasks involved. Use owning statements with them to assert

leadership “I need you to accomplish this” Once they realize you wont be pushed off

task by their sniping, they usually stop Don’t confront publically, do it in private,

they don’t like confrontation/center stage.

THE WHINING BABY

MODUS OPERANDI See everything negatively by complaining,

whining acting defeated. They think that they have little or no value,

no-one thinks they are important

YOUR RESPONSE First Listen, then steer them towards facts

which are sometimes far less negative than they seem

Maintain control by bringing up negatives yourself then dismiss them logically

Direct their attention to the positives of situation

When a negative question is asked by them, turn to the rest of the group to answer, don’t give much eye contact

Get them oriented on a task

NEGATIVE NED OR NANCY

MODUS OPERANDI Very Similar to Whiner Distrusts anyone in power Believes his/her way is only way Motto is “See I Told You So!!” Always see the downside of every issue

YOUR RESPONSE Stay Positive but realistic Delay discussing solutions as they will

dismiss them as you bring it up Refuse the easy trap of an argument and

stick with your facts, sometimes truth is powerful

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE FOR DEALING WITH WHINER/NEGATIVE NED

PEOPLE PLEASER

MODUS OPERANDI Easy to like, however difficult to work with

due to over committing themselves and their staff

They have an Inability to set proper boundaries and simply say “NO”

Usually hyper sensitive types who wear heart on their sleeves

YOUR RESPONSE Limit how much you ask of them as they tend

to miss deadlines and will be disappointed In meetings they volunteer for far too much,

therefore gently emphasize boundaries by being task specific.

Affirm their contributions and help them say no.

NON PLAYER/LONER

MODUS OPERANDI Most difficult types to deal with Do not reveal their motivations Tend to be lone wolves You will end up in a guessing game as to

what motivates them or makes them “tick”, keep trying though.

It is vital to get them involved so they don’t leave with hidden agendas and counter the teams goal

Can sometimes be overtly hostile

YOUR RESPONSE Most effective strategy is to draw them out

with open ended questions Wait them out in a controlled fashion even if

the silence between you grows, keep them busy with tasks that they can focus on like supplies or equipment.

Eventually they will give off a clue as to where their motivations lie. Work with them, move them towards their goals and they will flourish

You might have to take your leadership to the next level…

TAKE A MOMENT FOR SELF EXAMINATION Characterize the difficult people in your life,

identify the traits and personalities that you see and make index cards on how to deal with them, review the cards before a meeting, you will be surprised by the outcome

Visualize your confrontation and rehearse these techniques until comfortable

The system WORKS!

ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO CHANGE Remember, Everyone has value When you ignore people they don’t change

and YOU FAIL as a leader When you support positive change and

refuse to indulge their behaviors you help them grow

You may never see it but they will thank you one day for your care and leadership

KNOW WHEN TO CALL IN HELP Some people may have more than just

personality traits going on, there may be problems at home or in their lives.

Keep in mind that you cannot, nor should you concern yourself with the intimate details of their lives beyond the professional relationship.

Listen and call in help when needed in form of an arbiter, counselor or medical professional. Neutral parties can valuable

When dealing with a group project, a professional facilitator can be of some use to refocus group

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, IMPLEMENT THE NUCLEAR OPTION

NUCLEAR OPTION, PART 1 Must use caution, usually last ditch effort to

get person involved. Implemented when all other options are

exhausted Must be rooted in your authority and in some

cases be prepared to be harsh if necessary. Part 1 is used as SHOCK and AWE. Hopefully

it will wake them up.

NUKE OPTION 2 LEAD BY EXAMPLE!

NUKE OPTION PT 2; PUNITIVE ACTION OR OPERATION PAPER TIGER!

When it comes to enforcing punitive action, you need time, date and place, persons involved, witnesses etc.

JAG or Chain of Command will basically want to know Who, What, When, Where and How.

Keep documented, detailed notes, dates time witnesses

I Keep detailed journals of everything…

WHAT IS THAT WILL PROTECT YOU?THE TRUTH!

IN CLOSING Remember leadership demands that you see

the whole picture, not just focus on personalities, train yourself to recognize them

Know yourself most of all and learn everything you can about the people you lead, in the end they will thank you for your commitment to them

Do not compromise your authority, if you do you will fail.

THIS HAS BEEN A TRUNK MONKEY PRODUCTION