CLT SOLUTIONS

Dealing with Difficult People

CLT SOLUTIONSAgenda

• Agenda• Activity• “IM COOL”• Temperament Types Ref • Activity• Workplace Model• Activity• Summary

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CLT SOLUTIONSObjectives

At the end of this module participants will be able to:

• Define temperament and how it affects the workplace• Understand the differences of the basic temperament

types• Identify and appreciate their personality strengths• Use a workplace model to effectively relate with co-

workers• Use the “IM COOL” tool with the basic temperament

types

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CLT SOLUTIONSI M= Remember-You can work through most

conflicts with just IM!! “I M Cool”

Identify = Make a CHOICE-Win/Win & Commit to goingthere!

• Identify CONFLICT discussions early on - MANAGE YOURSTRESS.

• Identify your state and the state of others - WHAT’S INYOUR CONTROL?

• Identify the POSITIVE opportunities that could result?Focus there!

• Identify the NEGATIVES TO AVOID.

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Mental Martial Arts= Listening & Asking Techniques

• Listen to understand - focus on BOTH content andfeelings

• Communicate your understanding of content and feelings

• Ask clarifying or open-ended questions

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Clarify = Behaviors, Interest, Your “I” Story

• Behaviors. Focus on the behavior, situation, or issue -NOT THE PERSON! (A behavior is an action or reactionthat can be captured on a video or audiotape.)

• Interest/s. The underlying need, desires, concerns andfears• to clarify what the interest for the other person is: ask

and listen• to clarify your interests for the other person,

communicate your “I” Story (an honest problemstatement, effectively communicated, from yourperspective)

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Open Discussion - Areas for Agreement

• Confirm INTERESTS for evaluation

• Invent solutions and ask for inventive solutions

• Evaluate proposed solutions by sharing pros and cons• Test solutions against potential future scenarios

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Open Discussion - The Agreement

• Base the agreement on clear and objective criteria

• Determine how to treat issues and exceptions

• Confirm commitment

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Leave the Conflict By Expressing Thanks and Optimism about the Future

• Find a reason to THANK the person

• Acknowledge successes

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“If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.”

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CLT SOLUTIONSFrom David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates’ book,

“Please Understand Me!”

• People are different in fundamental ways, and:– No amount of getting after them is going to change

them– There is no reason to change them because the

differences are probably good, not bad– You can look upon someone else as DIFFERENT—

someone you don’t quite understand, but someone you can (perhaps with a sense of puzzlement), gradually come to appreciate.

– To begin to portray anyone else accurately, you must first study yourself

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CLT SOLUTIONS

History of Temperament

• Past theories of temperament were based on observable clusters of behavior or “activity patterns”

• “Character” or “Temperament” describes differences in people noticed and documented throughout history in a variety of cultures including Greek and Native American

• Temperament theory is ancient in origin, and was revived by Jung’s theory of psychological types and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based on Jung’s work.

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CLT SOLUTIONSSJ—Guardian, Stabilizer,

Traditionalist—

• Leadership Style—Traditionalist, stabilizer, consolidator• Work Style—Has a sense of duty, responsibility, loyalty, and industry• To do best work, they need—Knowledge of the goal and what they’re

supposed to do to get there• Learning Style—Step-by-step, with preparation for current and future utility• Want others to see them as—Hardworking and reliable• Acknowledged for contributing—Administrative expertise, timely output• Want to be known for their—Dependability

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SP—Artisan, Impulsive, Action-oriented—

• Leadership Style—Troubleshooter, negotiator, firefighter• Work Style—Acts with cleverness and timelessness• To do the best work, they need—Freedom to do things as they see fit• Learning Style—Active involvement to meet current needs• Want others to see them as—Resourceful and risk taking• Acknowledged for contributing—Expeditious handling of the out-of-the

ordinary and the unexpected• Want to be known for their –Spontaneity that includes a spirit of play

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NT—Rational, Competence, Intelligence—

• Leadership Style—Visionary, architect of systems, builder• Work Style—Adds and logic to ideas and actions• To do best work, they need—Intriguing models to challenge their

imagination ingenuity• Learning Style—Impersonal and analytical process for personal mastery• Want others to see them as—Competent and logical• Acknowledged for contributing—Strategic analysis of complex issues• Want to be known for their—Expertise

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CLT SOLUTIONSNF—Idealist, Self-actualization,

Identity—

• Leadership Style—Catalyst, spokesperson, energizer• Work Style—Persuades people about values and inspirations• To do best work, they need—Personal meaning and congruence with who

they are• Learning Style—Personalized and imaginative ways of self-awareness• Want others to see them as—Authentic and inclusive• Acknowledged for contributing—Something unique or a special vision of

possibilities• Want to be known for their—Ability to inspire others

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CLT SOLUTIONSTemperament Preference Groupings

based on MBTI

• SJ—Guardian, Stabilizer, Traditionalist—38% of the U.S. pop.

• SP—Artisan, Impulsive, Action-oriented—38% of the U.S. pop.

• NT—Rational, Competence, Intelligence—12% of the U.S. pop.

• NF—Idealist, Self-actualization, Identity—12% of the U.S. pop.

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Activity

Every temperament has unique and significant strengths - and taken to an extreme they become a weakness.

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Appreciating the SJ

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Caution, carefulness, thoroughness, and accuracy of work are valued by the SJ, for he or she is product-oriented. An SJ enjoys comment about whatever he produces, especially if these comments recognize how well the product meets the standards set forth. He or she appreciates being recognized as a responsible, loyal, and industrious person, which is not difficult, for those three adjectives can readily by applied to most SJs. SJs need an abundance of appreciation, although they will have difficulty in showing their pleasure when recognition is given.

CLT SOLUTIONSAppreciating the SP

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SPs appreciate recognition of the clever, facile ways they work. Commendation for the grace and flair of their actions is more important to them than note of how much work was done. The SP is process-oriented, not product-oriented. If the work entails risks and taking chances, this should be commented on. When the risks pay off, he or she needs companionship in celebrating the results. When they do not, he or she needs support and encouragement, expressions of comfort that this was merely a temporary setback. Boldness, bravery, endurance, cleverness, adaptation, and timing—these are what SPs pride themselves on and so feel appreciated when these qualities are noted by the leader.

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Appreciating the NT

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NTs want to be appreciated for their ideas. They want an intelligent listener who will take the trouble to follow the complexities of the NT’s conception. Seldom does an NT enjoy comments of a personal nature; rather he responds to recognition of his capabilities. Appreciation by management of a routine task well done would not only NOT delight an NT, but might even make him or her suspicious of the manager. The qualifications of the person rendering appreciation are vital to an NT. The fact that the person hold a high office signifies nothing if he does not also possess intellectual competency in the area he is appreciating. NTs have difficulty appreciating others verbally and, as with the SJs, have difficulty accepting appreciation.

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Appreciating the NF

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NFs value expressions of appreciation which are more personal than those valued by NTs. NFs want to be recognized as unique persons making unique contributions and need an awareness of this stated by their subordinates, peers, and superiors. The other three styles can handle negative criticism more easily than can the NFs, who become immobilized and discouraged when met with negatives. It is important to an NF that his or her feelings as well as his or her ideas are understood by others and he or she wants constant feedback concerning both as verification.

CLT SOLUTIONS

He can do more for others who has done most with himself.

-- S.D. Gordon

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CLT SOLUTIONS

Task focused

People Focused

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Workplace Model

CLT SOLUTIONSTask Focus

• Becoming so focused on what you are doing that you forget that there are people around you

• Needing to get it done that you focus solely on the task at hand

• When finishing a task becomes urgent, you may become careless and aggressive, leaping before you look, and speaking without thinking first

• Or needing to get it done right, you slow down enough to see the details, thus becoming increasingly focused on and absorbed in the task at hand

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CLT SOLUTIONSPeople Focus

• When there are people whom you want to get alongwith, you may be less assertive as you put their needs above your own.

• Getting appreciation from people, requires a higher level of assertiveness and a people focus, in order to be seen, heard and recognized

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Passive Aggressive

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Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

People

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Getting it done ControlGetting it done right PerfectionGetting along ApprovalGetting appreciated Attention

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It’s a Question of Balance

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All of these intents, getting it done, getting it right, getting along, and getting appreciation have their time and place in our lives. Often, keeping them in balance leads to less stress and more success. To get it done, take care to get it done right. If you want it done right, avoid complications by making sure everyone is getting along. For a team effort to succeed, each party must feel valued and appreciated. Though the priority of these intents can shift from moment to moment.

CLT SOLUTIONS

Activity

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In what quadrant would SP, SJ, NT and NF feel most comfortable working in?

Why?

CLT SOLUTIONS

Dealing with Difficult People

• Everyone you encounter is a doing to best they can.

• Few, if any of the difficult people in your life. are trying to be the bad guy or villain.

• They are simply making the choices that see best from where they find themselves.

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4 Questions to ask yourself

• What just happened?• What are the feelings arising in me?• What do I need that I’m not receiving?• What am I asking for?

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7 Steps to Dealing with Difficult People

• Use the Stop Model to avoid Reactivity– Stop whatever you are doing– Take 3 deep breaths– Observe how your body feels– Proceed with kindness and compassion

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See through the control drama the other person is using– Being nice and manipulative– Being nasty and manipulative– Being aloof and withdrawn– Playing the victim or “poor – me” role

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• Don’t take it personally• Practice defenselessness• Walk away if necessary• See the experience as an evolutionary opportunity• Resonate compassion

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CLT SOLUTIONSSummarize

• Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to get it done is obstructed.

• Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to get it right is obstructed.

• Behavior becomes more approval-seeking when the intent to get along is obstructed.

• Behavior becomes more attention- getting when the intent to get appreciation is obstructed.

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8 Tips for Combating Office Rage

• When a clash occurs take control of your emotions.

– Resist the urge to keep an argument going.

• Take time to consider what happened that prompted your colleague to fly off the handle.– Was it an unwelcome suggestion?

– Was it a question that was offensive or condescending?

• Encourage everyone to breathe deeply.

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8 Tips for Combating Office Rage

• If the feud has been going on for a while, take it outside the office. – Invite them to lunch or coffee to discuss the situation.

• If it’s a “bad attitude” on a particular day, ask if there’s something you can do to help.

• Keep your tantrum-throwing colleagues or associate at arm’s length.– Don’t ignore or tip-toe around him or her just limit your contact with

him or her

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8 Tips for Combating Office Raged

• If you see a coworker yelling at a colleague or calling fellow employees names, his or her behavior should be considered bullying and must be reported!

• Don’t interject yourself into the argument.– Head straight for the Human Resources department and report what

you saw.

• Use “IM COOL”

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Thank you

Craig CobleCoble Consulting202-829-0970

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