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Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Chapter 11

Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Chapter 11

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Text of Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Chapter 11

  • Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Chapter 11

  • FriendshipBased in feeling, reciprocity, choiceLess emotionally, intense than romanticHelp self-esteem, self-awareness, self-respectFacilitate socialization in adulthood

  • Adult FriendsStages (ABCDE)AcquaintanceshipBuildupContinuationDeteriorationEndingA-B depends on similarity, communication, importance of relationshipE depends on availability of alternatives

  • Adult FriendsMore friends in young adulthood than at any other timeCritical during adulthood as life satisfaction linked w/ quality of friendsHelp manage stressLinked w/ longevity

  • Adult Friends3 broad themes underlay adult friendsAffective componentSelf-disclosure, intimacy, affection, support, trust, loyalty, commitmentCommunal natureParticipate in supportive activitiesSociabilityFriends are source of fun, recreation

  • Siblings As FriendsImportant relationship for mostPeaks during adolescence & late lifeAt all times women place more importance

  • Gender Differences: FriendsWomenFriendships based on intimacy, emotional sharing, disclosure of personal mattersMore relationships than menMenFriendships based on shared activities or interests (e.g, sports) & competitionLess intimacy & disclosure

  • LoveSternbergPassionIntimacyCommitmentIn a lasting love relationship Passion high early I & C low (but I rising fast)Passion fades, I stabilizes & C rises

  • Falling In LoveAssortative Mating Similarity predictions attractionOnly to a pointOnly for key, important dimensionsReligion, sex, politics, physical appearance

  • Falling In LoveCompatibility leads to application of 3 filters (Murstein)StimulusAppearance, social class, manners match?ValuesValues match?RoleIdeas about relationship, communication style gender roles matchAll YES = couple formation

  • Abusive RelationshipsContinuum of aggressionVerbal - physical - severe - murderLess severe common25%-40% of relationships display less severe physical abuse (punching, slapping) occasionallySevere less commonUsually long pattern of abuse of male partner

  • Abusive RelationshipsCause of abuse depends on type of abuseVerbal: need to control, jealousy, misuse of power (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)Physical: abused as child, alcohol, positive attitudes towards violence, aggressive temperament (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)Severe/murder: personality disorder, emotional instability, poor self-esteem

  • Abusive RelationshipsCause also depends on genderNeed for control, power, jealousy M > WCulture key as wellCultures valuing female honor, passivity, nurturing, loyal supporters of higher-status males more accepting of abuse

  • LifestyleSinglehood~80% men 20-24 single~70% women 20-24 singleSome career focused early in adulthoodMore difficult for single women than menSocial pressure stronger on women to marryMen marry later2x as many African Americans single in young adulthood

  • SinglehoodNever married women in 30sAcute distress & wish to be married OREmotionally volatile ORHappy singleWhen does one decide to be single?Gradual process for most

  • SinglehoodAdvantages & disadvantagesGreater freedomMore lonelyMen: higher mortality, alcoholism, suicide ratesWomen: more vulnerable to violent crime & extra duties at work

  • CohabitationDramatic increase in past 30 yearsMost are 25-44 (v. > 45 in 1970s)3 primary reasons for cohabitationLimited: convenience ($, sexual access, no commitment)Premarital: trial marriageSubstitute marriage: long-term commitment w/o marriage

  • CohabitationCultural differences aboundSweden: 99% of couples live together before marriage & 25% unmarriedChina: cohabitation rareImpacts on marital successReduces marital satisfactionIncreases risk of divorce

  • Gay & Lesbian CouplesIn most ways they are similar to heterosexual couplesSome differences do emergeLess likely to argue aboutValues, social-political issuesMore likely to argue aboutTrust, former lovers

  • Gay & Lesbian CouplesGender differences more keyMen: separate sex & love, have more short term relationshipsWomen: connect sex w/ love, have fewer, longer lasting relationshipsGay couples report less family supportLegal system fails to recognize rights of gay partners

  • MarriageMedian age increased in past 30 yearsYounger you marry higher risk of divorce< 20 3x higher rate than 20s & 6x higher rate than 30sFactors predicting marital successIdentityHomogamy (similarity)Perceived equality (fair exchange)

  • Marital HappinessPeaks & valleysGenerally happiest early & lateDrops during childrenRises after children leave homeBest if dependence is equal for both partners

  • Keeping a Marriage Happy?Make timeExpress loveBe there in times of needConstructive communicationShow interestConfideForgive, understand

  • Family Life Cycle Having children bring benefits & problemsPersonal satisfaction/needs, etcFinancial, personal sacrificesDecision to have kids impacted by Fs

  • Having Children?Feminine intrapsychic determinantsRelationship w/ parents, flexibility, feminine identificationMarriage determinantsStability, support satisfaction, stress management

  • Having Children?Career determinantsResponsibility, satisfaction, change possibleLifestyle determinants$, child-free relationship, comparison group

  • Parental RoleCurrently couples have fewer kids laterOlder mothers more affectionate, sensitiveOlder fathers more invested, spends more time w/ childBeing a parent very stressfulNew responsibilitiesChanges relationship (ALL about child)Worse for mother (especially is she works)Men spend ~44% of the time raising kids v. moms

  • Single ParentsMostly women due toDivorceKeeping child out of wedlockEthnic differences: 70% AA births out of wedlockImpacts on parentsEmotional difficultyFinancial problems (worse for single mothers)Dating difficult (lonely)

  • Alternative ParentingGay couples raising childrenNo negative impactsSome potential positives

  • DivorceDivorce rate - 50% in USHighest in Russia, lowest in NetherlandsIncreased in developed countries recentlyChanges in social norms, lawsReasons cited by men & women for DUnhappy, infidelity, sexual problemsMen: alcohol abuse by self, womens libWomen: alcohol abuse by spouse, physical abuse

  • DivorceFactors impacting divorceMacro reasonsSocial-cultural changes/values, gender rolesDemographics reasonsAge at marriage, parental divorce, cohabitationInterpersonal reasonsInfidelity, violence, $, children, growing apart

  • DivorceImpacts of divorce on coupleEmotional problems (lasting)Depressed, rejected, angry, disappointed, unhappyDivorce hangoverUnable to let go and move on as single personPreoccupation predictor of poor adjustmentMen: accept blame, move out, social life changedWomen: fewer remarriage, friends prospects, $ troubles

  • DivorceRelationship w/ children70% mothers regain custody after divorceFathers become negligent rapidlyProblems extend to divorce w/ adult childrenEmotional difficulties & poor father relationship

  • RemarriageVery common (W < M)Average wait is 4 yearsIncreased change of divorce (even more w./. stepchildren)Women benefit more than men