The PioneerIssue 8

Nov 4, 2010

Page 8 BackpageThis page is full of jokes!

PringlesAfter realizing that people don’t want to buy

any new chip flavors, Pringles executives, frus-trated with low sales this year, have decided to reach

out to new demographics through the coolest new packaging. Look for these great snacks in your grocery store!

9 p.m.Thesis: All major decisions in “Othello” can be ex-plained by the characters’ desire to keep up social appearances. Within the play there are three major decisions: Iago’s decision to bring down Othello as well as many other characters, Othello’s decision to kill Desdemona and Othello’s decision to kill himself. The outcomes of these decisions are what determine the fate of the characters.

12 a.m.The main reason Othello kills Desdemona, his wife, is because of his insecurities. Like how he is considered not good enough for his wife who is all rich and beautiful, which he is not, and so he is insecure. Because he is insecure, he kills his wife. This is how we know that insecurities can be detrimental to one’s relationships with themselves and others, like wives or girlfriends who are hon-est and really cute.

2 a.m.OTHELLO IS AN IDIOT BECAUSE HE CAN’T JUST SEE THAT HE IS BEING TRICKED AND THAT HIS WIFE REALLY DOES LOVE HIM, THERE WAS JUST THE HANDKERCHIEF AND THAT MESSED HIM UP. LIKE WHEN YOU LISTEN TO GOSSIP AND DON’T ACTUALLY ASK THE PERSON ABOUT WHAT IS TRUE AND THEN BREAK UP WITH HER, OR KILL HER, AND RUIN THEIR WHOLE LIFE IN ONE NIGHT . . . BILLY GO DIE LIKE OTHELLO!

3 a.m.Okay, so let’s say Othello is the hottest of the guys in “She’s the Man” and Desdemona is kind of like Amanda Bynes, but if Amanda Bynes wasn’t aware that she was pretending to be a guy and deceiving the man she loves, but in the end of “She’s the Man” where everything turns out okay, that part never happens and Channing Tatum just murders Amanda. Did you know that “She’s the Man” is actually based on a Shakespeare play? Woah, so hip Will! But seriously, that movie would suck if Tatum killed Amanda. Murderers aren’t hot. Neither are people who break up with me.

6 a.m.In conclusion, Othello and Iago and like everyone in the book Othello shouldn’t be so insecurity all the time because that juust gets you in trouble like when you kill your wife over a kleenax, or a ru-mor that they hooked up with that guy in their geo class but they didn’t, but now probably will.

Works Cited:

William Shakespeare who wrote “Othello.” A long time ago. London?

“She’s the Man” starring Amanda Bynes

Real Facts From My LIFE. 2010. Whitman Col-lege: Walla Walla, WA.

Pulling an all-nighter

Looks like Gossip Girl has put in a trans-fer for the West Coast. It didn’t take too long for her to catch up on all the hot gossip and juicy sightings on the Whit-man campus. Here are some of her lat-est posts - you know you love them. XOXO, The Backpage.

Spotted: The hottest couple south of Boyer may be on the rocks. Better watch your man “V”, looks like a hot-to-trot freshman is moving in for the kill. The two were seen grabbing a room in the library, where rumor has it they were studying “anatomy.”

Spotted: Looks like new freshman Queen Bee was flirting hardcore with a new man last night only to realize that he was a prospie. Can her ego handle such an embarrassing blow? What will frenemy “M” do with this new information?

Spotted: A certain sophomore boy was in for a sur-prise when he tried to buy Taste of Mexico, only to find that he was out of Flex dollars. Looks like we won’t see “J” south of the border anytime soon!

Spotted: Junior boy awkwardly waiting for one of his friends to make eye contact with him so he can be swiped into the dining hall.

Spotted: A couple of friends rock climbing together at the gym.

Spotted: Strange-looking duck being ignored by the other ducks.

Spotted: People playing Ultimate on Ankeny.

Spotted: Wheat fields. Everywhere.

Spotted: I have to get out of this place.

whitmancollege

gossipgirl

Well, here we are. All alone in the wil-derness. Too bad about the firewood, by the way, I totally didn’t mean to douse it with my water bottle. What a crazy accident! I’ll bet you’re glad I’m a certified Wilderness First Respond-er! I know exactly what to do in these situations. The first thing we need to do is get totally naked. Ha ha! I know, I’m way ahead of you. Now, in order to avoid hypothermia, it’s absolutely imperative that you climb into this sleeping bag with me. What? No! I’m not just trying to “get with you,” that’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s called sav-ing lives, Clair, and I’m a professional. No, don’t bother reaching for the signal flares. What? No, of course I didn’t pack the flares, I didn’t think we’d get lost out here, duh! Jeez. No, you can’t “just get in your own sleeping bag.” Why? Um, no reason. No, you don’t need to look for it; it’ll turn up eventually. Look, we don’t have time for this - now get naked and get in here! Besides, I left your--you seem to have left your own sleeping bag--so it’s not like you have any choice. Now come over here and get your snuggle on!

A selection of excerpts from an all-nighter paper on “Othello”:

We could die out here if you don’t take my advice and get into this sleeping bag naked.

Take this fun quiz!

In your Facebook profile picture are you _______?:

a. Smilingb. Laughingc. Clutching your head in your hands, wondering where it all went wrong.

Which quote is most represen-tative of your “quotes” page?

a. “Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest Gumpb. “If God wanted us to be naked, why did he invent sexy lingerie?” – Shannon Dohertyc. “Some people seem born to suffer.” – August Strindberg

A friend “tags” you in a picture from a party. You have a beer in

your hand. You’re friends with your mom and your great aunt Mildred.

What do you do?a. Untag yourself and ask your friend not to tag you in “party pics.”b. Leave it! Mildred has to find out sooner or later!c. At this point drinking yourself into a coward’s death may be the only option.

When you first wake up on Sunday morning, are you most

likely to ______?:a. Check your Facebook and upload all those fun pics from last night!b. Check your Facebook and see what pictures people uploaded of you.c. Research how much it would cost to hire an assassin to kill you.

While browsing Facebook you see that your ex has changed

his/her relationship status to “In a relationship.” Do you _______?:a. “Like” the status as a show of good-will and no hard feelings.

b. Ignore it.c. Close your laptop for the last time.

Do your regret spending so much time on Facebook?

a. No! I need to keep in touch with all my friends and find out about cool new events!b. I probably spend a little bit too much time on “the book” but it’s so much fun!c. It’s too late for regrets. Only 25 more feet to the ledge.

You meet someone at a party. You really hit it off, but forget

to get their phone number. The next day, do you _______?:a.b.c. I read an article that said more women attempt suicide, but more men successfully kill themselves. Am I not a real man?

What your Facebook says about Jesus Christ I just can't do this anymore

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QUIZ!

Travel blog is back!!!Once again, we check in with former Backpage writer, Brooke, who is studying abroad in Barcelona! We now bring you her Halloween coverage! Spooky stuff! We miss you so much, Brooke!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come home soon!!!!!!!!

October 29 4:32 PM- Sorry it's been so long, everybody!!!! I have been SO busy lately, just living la vida loca in beautiful Barcelona! I haven't really been speaking much Spanish, but I think that study abroad is about more than that. It's about life experi-ences, really. I have really been taking advantage of what Spain has to offer: tapas, wine, and pretty much all of the things from the culture. I love it here so much! Plus, I have put together an AWESOME Lady Gaga costume for Halloween this weekend!! Halloween is literally my FAVORITE holiday! I can't wait to dress up and see every-one else's costumes! I wonder if people here have the same cool costumes that we have back home, like sexy cats and The Joker? I'll let you guys know!!!

November 1 12:58 PM- UGGGHHHHH YOU GUYS LAST NIGHT WAS THE WORRRSTTT. Spanish Hal-loween is the biggest disappointment yet. Pretty much NO ONE dressed up!! I saw a couple of people dressed up like hobos, but it didn't even seem like they were trying. And everyone was so rude to me!! The guys here are hot, but they were almost TOO gross last night. People were staring a lot, shouting and jeering and me, and just being generally very rude. Normally Spanish people are so civilized! Apparently, Halloween for them means act-ing crazy and disgusting, and not dressing up. Men of all ages kept approaching me for sex, asking how much it would cost for me to get in their car. I don't know what is wrong with these people. I was wearing this awesome red leotard and reaaaaally sexy tights and LACE ON MY FACE=obviously Lady Gaga!!! And I had such awesome, crazy makeup on, and like, really EXTREME perfume. Lady Gaga isn't even known for that, that was just me im-provising! I bet she smells really good, and really strong. I have seen some pictures on facebook of some Whitman girls who went as Lady Gaga, and I think I pulled it off waaaaayyyyy better than they did. Anyway, there is no way that Spanishes don't know who she is because she is an international superstar and so I thought that for sure they would know who I was dressed as, but NO. People here don't know anything!!!! GOD, I want to come HOME!!! I am just so bummed out about this, you guys. Uggghhh, at least there is still Thanksgiving this month, hopefully they can at least get THAT right.love you guys!!

e. JoHNsoN

Pringles VeRTikalSo intense, they had to be stacked!Standing on edge!

Pringles HorizontalTake a rest.

Pringles EdenDON’T EAT THESE CHIPS!

PringlessThe healthy choice! Now with zero grams trans fat and zero chips!

Pringles SinglesOnce you pop, you have to stop.There is only one.

Pringles HipsterI’m over it.

Pringles BieberEat the Bieb!

Pringles BagIt’s so vintage!

by CHUCK GRAVENCertified WFR